Rejection and Resilience

Have you ever had a boss who made you feel invisible?

Recently, a friend shared their frustrations about ineffective leadership and a boss who focused on breaking people down rather than building them up. This conversation sparked memories of my own experience with a manager who impacted my self-esteem.

Growing up, I possessed a healthy dose of ambition. While there were moments of insecurity, my determination to succeed overshadowed self-doubt. Each accomplishment in school, university, and later in my professional life helped my confidence to blossom.

When I landed a new job, I was excited about the possibilities ahead. I saw it as a stepping stone to even greater opportunities. Little did I know, this journey would take an unexpected turn.

As an ambivert (someone who is somewhere between an introvert and extrovert), I initially felt like a fish out of water in a team of extroverts who had already formed a tight bond. My boss seemed to hang on to every word the extroverted team members said, listened to every idea intensely, and depended on them for decisions. Despite my qualifications, experience, and proven track record, I was not given any autonomy. Instead, I was placed under the management of an extroverted colleague in another department. Although my colleague was lovely and we worked well together, this decision puzzled us both.

Determined to address the situation, I mustered the courage to have a heart-to-heart with my boss. I expressed my concerns and shared my belief that I was more than capable of managing my department. Unfortunately, I was politely rejected and told to continue reporting to my colleague. Did my colleague’s extroverted personality qualify them as more competent?

From that moment on, my confidence and self-esteem plummeted. My boss’s perception of me as someone who couldn’t take the lead shattered my belief in my abilities. I felt like my voice didn’t matter and I became the invisible team member.

Years later, I realized that, ironically, we were actually quite similar. Upon reflection, I believe my boss could also be an ambivert or possibly an introvert. Despite being extremely bright, I noticed a familiar awkwardness in social settings—a discomfort I knew all too well. However, instead of recognizing this shared trait and providing mentorship or guidance, they chose to look the other way.

Luckily for me, this manager eventually left the company and was replaced.

Under my new manager’s leadership, everything changed for the better. My leadership skills were recognized, and I was given the freedom to excel in my role without being micromanaged. I felt empowered and started to regain my old, confident self.

Retrospectively, I don’t perceive my initial manager in a negative light. However, I believe it was a missed opportunity to cultivate a diverse and powerful team, filled with individuals who brought unique strengths to the table.

This personal experience, together with my friend’s, has taught me to always remember that your worth is not determined by others’ opinions. It has also highlighted the importance of diversity and inclusion within a team, where everyone is valued. So, embrace your true self and celebrate your unique traits—whether introverted, extroverted, or in between—as they contribute to your strength as a leader and a human.

#storytelling #leadership #personaldevelopment #empowered #ambivert #introvert #diversity #inclusion

Disclaimer: Unless quoted or extracted from a verified source, the thoughts and views on my blog are based on my experiences. Please consume as such.